It’s easy to love someone when you first meet and you’re all jacked up on love hormones. You can look at your new fandangle boy or girl toy and say, ‘you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.’ You actually mean it too!
It’s so easy to look past their flaws when the chemicals overtake your brain, for the sake of pro-creation. It’s not real. Sorry. It’s your hormones telling you to make thousands of babies, gay or straight – the love drug finds a way to make wee mini reproductions of YOU.
That’s why we end up six months later, dazed and confused (after the break up) and thinking, ‘but I really thought they could be the one!’ Oh booooy, you got it bad.
But those of you, who know me well, know that I am a true romantic at heart.
I LOVE love.
So this post is about ‘true’ love (no, not Walt’s version either). I am going to share my experience, because I’m so knowledgeable in my old age (ha!)
True love is not the same as that overwhelming feeling of passion, when you get butterflies and dance on the ceiling. No. True love is when …
- You’ve been dating for a year and decide to move in together, only to find flaws creeping out into the shining light and amplifying three-fold. But, you can still look at each other and have a sudden overwhelming feeling of adoration.
- You’ve been living together for three years and the one job of taking out the garbage NEVER gets done and now the bin is overflowing onto the kitchen floor and your house smells like old potatoes. They come home looking forlorn and you don’t bring it up because you realise how unimportant the bin is.
- Their feet don’t repulse you.
- You’ve been together for five years and you go through a traumatic birth experience. When you look over, your partner is white as your hospital sheet and although you are pushing a watermelon through your birth canal, you start to worry about them.
- When their dog might have a tick and your partner is incoherent with terror, you rush them to the emergency vet and have to calm them both down. At that point in time, you would not want to be anywhere else.
- They screw up lids so tight that you can’t open them and as you curse their name under your breath and throw things around the room – the moment you are able to open it … they are forgiven.
- You’ve been together for ten years and you are both changing and wondering who you are. You’re losing yourselves. Rather than run away, you decide to sit down and talk about it. You remind each other to go bowling with friends or to paint pictures in a rainforest.
- You still love to spoon.
- You’ve been together for twenty years, your children are all grown up and when your partner grunts at you, you actually understand what they mean. You can both stop and laugh about it.
- When you’ve been together for fifty years … (I am going to quote a young child now because there is no better way to say it) true love is when Grandad paints Nanna’s toenails because she had arthritis.
Engagements, sex, parties, dinners, couch cuddles, laugher, serious talks, rough patches, roller-coaster rides, children, grandchildren, family. Real love is being there for someone when the shit goes down and still being able to look at them say, ‘you’re everything I’ve ever wanted’.
If someone else comes along that makes you feel ‘special’, be very wary. Is it love, or just that fleeting high of the love drug? So many people throw away real love for that drug- it’s a terrible terrible addiction.